As I sit at my desk reading my lastest novel by my favorite author, my son sleeps in his crib. My girls, playing outside on their swings. My eldest daughter watching MTV in the den. Normal life, or so it seems. What is going to happen? We all have peaceful moments when it all seems so great and wonderful. Those are the ones we should cherish. Call me paranoid, but it's been my experience that nothing good or bad lasts very long. Waiting for the other shoe to fall, the glass to break, the walls to collaspe. We go thru life like riding a rollar coaster. Ups and downs, twists and turns. Some of us survive, some give up, some hide. I live deliberately, I know tomorrow is not promised so I enjoy the day. Even the bad ones that seems to get worse by the hour, they too will pass. Things I cherish, people I love, are my lifelines in this chaotic world. My faith is too. My kids and my husband keep me going, without them well, I dont know what I'd be doing.
Love, well we cannot help with whom we fall in love. Love has thrilled me, hurt me, smothered me, devestated me, caressed me, helped me, burned me, held me, shunned me, it's done it's best and worst. Yet I yearned for someone to love me like I've never been loved. I had it once, and when he died, I didnt think I'd survive. But the perfect man for me showed up last year. Before then, my love, I poured into my children for they are my heart. I've had other loves, lovers of my body, my touch, but nothing comes close. I guarded my heart, it's been broken enough times. I'm happy and love my friends, family, sisters and brothers of my faith. Something more I dared not ask. My heart longed for more, that deep desire to love and be loved no matter what. But I held back, afraid to love too much or not enough. Afraid to be hurt, rejected, abused as before. Being emotionally vulnerable is something that is so difficult for me. In my mind, I can justify anything, but my heart is something I could never tame, lol. So mostly I let my mind decide and not follow my heart afterall, it's been wrong before. I'm locigal, practical, resourceful. In love I am creative, in pain I am poetic, but deep inside I know one thing: Love is the best thing there is. In spite of the hurt and pain I suffered at the hands of thoughtless, careless men, my true love waited for me. He says he searched for true love for ten years. Little did he know or I know that our worlds, though miles apart, would collide and would lead us to the altar. Each day I love him more, every touch, every smile is precious. We tell each other everyday "I love you" so that we will not take each other for granted. Our love has been a long time in the making but so worth the wait. I breathe a sigh of relief, the rest is gravy. I have my family and I could not be happier and with the Lord in my life, my life is now complete.
